Slayers - No One Has to Know

No One Has to Know.

Sleep had been hard to come by ever since Filia joined up with Lina's group for a second time. Being away from home and work even for the short time that her errand would take was nerve-wracking. Was Val doing alright without her? Did he miss her? Was he doing all his homework? Did he get his thumb stuck in the faucet again? Were Jillas and Gravos taking good care of him? And what about her shop? The questions mounted, and she'd have no way of knowing the answers until she returned home—likely to find that her domestic world had kept on turning just fine without her.

Insomnia drove her ever more frequently from her bed and to the lounges and lobbies of the inns, where she'd have a calming cup of tea to try to sooth herself into a more slumber-friendly frame of mind. It didn't help that she'd drawn the short straw again that night and had to share a bed with Lina. Sleepwalking is one thing, but sleepkickboxing is another thing entirely. She rubbed her bruised side ruefully and spared a minute of sympathy for Gourry whenever he and Lina finally decided to get married. When she'd commented upon this to Xellos (after receiving absolutely no sympathy for her Lina-inflicted bruises) he'd cheerfully speculated to her that because of that fact Gourry would probably be forced to tie Lina to the bed for, as he put it, "completely non-kink-related reasons." He had a filthy mind.

Xellos. Unfortunately for her, insomnia wasn't her only companion these past few nights. Presumably he didn't sleep, so she always ended up running into him in the lobbies of the inns late at night. The stupid monster was always pestering her with completely unreasonable questions like: "Are you having trouble sleeping?" and "Would you mind telling me where you got that cup of tea?"

So it didn't come as any surprise to her when she looked up from reading the newspaper to see him standing before her in the mostly empty lobby. He nodded to the open space on the sofa next to her. "Is this seat taken?" he asked.

She glared, but didn't even do him the courtesy of directing the glare at him, and plopped the newspaper down next to her. "Yes," she said harshly.

"That's not very polite, Filia," he said, stooping over to move the newspaper. "Nighthawks should stick together."

Filia made a hmmph sound as he sat down next to her, and if you want to talk about politeness he was a little closer than was polite.

Too much time. She spent way too much time in close company with someone who was her most detested enemy. Part of it she could blame on Xellos himself. He liked annoying her, that much was obvious, and he knew full well that keeping himself close to her annoyed her. He didn't seem to have respect for anybody's personal space when it came to that. Perhaps he just liked the discomfort it brought… and more than that, if he took a step forward then all he needed was for her to take a step back and it was like she was admitting that she was weaker than him.

She used to recoil from him, but every time she did so she felt a tiny pinprick of humiliation. Those added up. As soon as she realized that it all amounted to a contest that she did not want to lose she ceased her retreat. Now she didn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that he'd rattled her. Let him be the first one to shrink away!

Of course, some of the things that drew them together didn't seem to be manipulated by Xellos at all… but they did seem manipulated by… oh, Filia wasn't sure. Perhaps by a vengeful god with a sick sense of humor; or by the almighty forces of irony; or by whatever it was in her that compelled her toward bizarre, awkward, Xellos-related situations; or by gravity. Even surprisingly strong gusts of wind were suspect—that's right, the universe was literally throwing them at each other.

But Filia was determined to endure it all. She could handle Xellos's teasing and her own flair for landing herself in strange situations. He wouldn't make her lose her cool.

"I must say," he commented, turning to her, "I don't think the lack of sleep is doing anything for your temperament."

He wouldn't make her lose her co…

"Or your complexion," he added, leaning closer to scan her face. "Those are some nasty dark circles."

He wouldn't make her… aw, screw it.

"What do you care?" she asked, shoving her face just a few inches from his. Let's see how he likes someone being in his face! she thought violently. He thinks he can make me shrink away? Ha! I don't retreat, I advance!

And then something delightful happened. Xellos tilted his head back and away from her, adjusting the distance between them to one that was more conversational and less confrontational. "Can't a person express concern over a companion's well-being?" he asked.

A rush of triumph surged through Filia. She didn't think it would actually work, but she'd made him flinch back!

"A person can," Filia said, moving toward him and taking the distance back, "but you can't."

He frowned and drew himself back once more. "Now that is just not fair. You rage when I treat you cordially and you rage when I don't. How can I win?"

"You can't," Filia countered, bearing down on him once more. "You lose."

Filia had to admit, she could see why Xellos played his little games with proximity. It provided more advantage in an argument than she'd thought it would. Being able to make Xellos back away was ridiculously empowering and leant an extra bite to her comebacks.

"Well then," Xellos said, slipping peaceably away from her once more, "I suppose the only thing I can do is treat you honestly."

"Honestly?" Filia scoffed, moving forward once more. "You don't even know what that means!"

"Don't I?" he asked.

"No you—" Filia stopped mid-movement.

There was something wrong here; something in the tone of his voice and the curve of his lips as he smiled froze her sense of success. Something in that mess of signals made her wonder if he'd actually been retreating… or just reeling her in? He hadn't moved back this time and their faces were much closer together than she intended them to be. He looked at her with eyes that sharpened to challenge her.

She swayed dizzily. Her every uncertain breath fell on his mouth. She felt like she was going to fall. Something was pulling her. It was like gravity, but it wasn't. She wobbled forward and her lips brushed against his chin. She lifted her head, ostensibly to pull herself away, but simply met his lips instead.

And that's… all it was. Just her lips accidentally brushing against his. A mere… lip brushing incident. Not a kiss at all, right? How long can a brush be?

Filia pulled herself away after probably-longer-than-a-brush-can-conceivably-be. Some sense must have reinsinuated itself into her life because the first thing she said was: "Oh my GOD! What have we done?!"

Xellos didn't budge, his expression oscillating between gloating and thoughtful. "I could ask you that—but I think I know the answer."

"No, no, no, no, no!" Filia said, shaking her head wildly.

"You kissed me."

"No! No I didn't!" Filia denied. "I mean… alright, I did," she took it back a wretched second later. "But only because you tricked me!" she said, pointing at him.

"I tricked you," Xellos repeated, profoundly unimpressed. "And just how did I trick you?"

Filia was at a loss to explain. It was hard to tell where Xellos's mind games ended and her own paranoia began. She settled for crossing her arms and saying: "You know how you did it so I don't have to explain it to you."

Xellos grinned. "It sounds like you tricked yourself into kissing me."

Filia let out an exasperated sound. "That part doesn't matter anyway," she said because her 'you tricked me' defense wasn't that strong. Her only evidence was 'you moved away from me!' which he'd probably cast as evidence against him tricking her. Best to move on to more important matters. "Look, the point is… the point is that whatever just happened was all a colossal mistake!"

"Whoops," Xellos said, not-so-helpfully.

"Yes," she said coldly. "'Whoops.' So the best thing we can do now is to… to forget it ever happened and go back to how we always treat each other. Just… just sweep it under the rug."

Xellos thought for a moment before finally saying: "I suppose you're right. Let's just forget it then."

Filia stared at him for a moment in helpless bewilderment. Finally she exploded with: "How can you even say that?!"

"Well it was your suggestion," Xellos answered, amused.

"That's beside the point!" Filia snapped, near tears. "You honestly think we could just go back to the way things were? You could just forget about…" She choked. "About that? You heartless beast!"

"It wasn't my idea," Xellos repeated. "If sweeping it under the rug doesn't agree with you, then need I remind you that there is another option available?"

The waterworks stopped as the dull weight of exactly what Xellos was talking about dropped into her mind. "No. No. No! How could you even suggest such a thing? That's beyond wrong!"

Xellos shrugged his shoulders. "A lecture on decorum from the dragon girl who just kissed a monster?"

"But…" Filia tried, not really sure where she was going. "I didn't mean…"

"What did you mean?" Xellos asked flatly. "And what do you want to do about it?"

Filia folded her hands onto her lap and look somber. "…If my parents knew…" She closed her eyes ruefully. "…They'd roll over in their graves."

"But they don't know," Xellos said simply, "and the dead are always somewhat behind on news, so no cemetery gymnastics will be required."

Before Filia could lash out at him for not showing proper respect for the dead he'd reached out a hand and put it gently on her cheek. "If you're going to make a decision then don't make one based on your reputation, which, by the way, hasn't been in great shape for awhile now," he said softly. "You know me well enough to understand that I can keep a secret."

Filia stared back into his eyes and for that moment everything he was saying sounded so easy—as easy as falling into that kiss with him had been. Easy and inevitable.

He smiled, centimetering closer to her and stroking the side of her face. "No one has to know about us," he whispered.

Filia slowly leaned closer into him and then abruptly shot backwards, slapping away his hand. "What do you mean 'no one has to know?!'" she demanded. "What about them?" she asked, pointing to a late night poker game going on at the card table in the corner of the lobby. "They saw us kiss!"

The mercenaries and card sharks who had been watching the drama unfold for the last ten minutes without paying their cards the least bit of attention abruptly turned back to their game. One of them whistled nonchalantly.

"Well…" Xellos began reluctantly, "I'm sure they could make some sharp guesses if they saw us leave together—but they wouldn't know for sure. Anyway, we don't know them so why should it matter?"

Filia crossed her arms and glared at him. "Are you telling me that you wouldn't tell your bosses if we did that?"

Xellos grimaced. "I suppose technically I'd be obliged to report something of that nature to Lord Beastmaster," he admitted. "But if it makes you feel any better, that would not be my favorite report to give."

"Aha! And what about Miss Lina and the others," Filia added, eyeing him suspiciously. "Do you really think that we could keep something like this a secret from them?"

Xellos gave it some thought. "They can be quite observant sometimes, but honestly I think you would've already blabbed to Miss Lina or Miss Amelia before they could figure it out on their own. You're not as good at keeping secrets as I am." He gave it some more thought. "And then I suppose Mister Gourry and Mister Zelgadis would find out from them and we'd have to… I don't know, exchange high fives over the incident," he added, though somewhat doubtfully. Gourry could always be counted on for a high five, but the same could not be said for Zelgadis. The bro code was in sadly short supply in their group.

"And I suppose your little beastmen family would find out too if we kept on seeing each other," Xellos went on, tugging at the thread some more. "Unless of course," he added, eyebrows moving in a way that Filia did not approve of, "you were just planning to use me for one wild, passionate night of carnality and then callously discard me."

Filia scoffed, partially because she felt that that should be her line. "So when you say 'no one has to know,'" she summed up, "what you really mean is everyone has to know!"

"I suppose I do," Xellos admitted. "Is this a problem?"

"Don't you think it is?" Filia screeched back.

"Can't you look at it this way, Filia?" he asked, taking her hand. "Some things are just too important to keep a secret."

…And if you want to know what happened next, after Filia argued and Xellos presented counterarguments; after Xellos attempted to negotiate; after a change of setting was suggested; after Filia admitted that she was getting tired, but didn't want to go back to her own room to get sleep-punched by Lina again; and after Xellos made her an offer that she could refuse, but he hoped she wouldn't… well, you can ask anyone you'd like. Because everyone knows.